 You haven't enjoyed BAD, truly bad, cinema unless you've watched Olympic gold-medalist Kurt Thomas jump, flip, kick, dash, twist, and try to act his way through this obstacle course of pure boulder-dash! Gymkata tells the story of an Olympic gold-medalist (there's a stretch) who needs to compete in a foreign death-sport / marathon because some government officials think it'd be fun to ask an Olympic gold-medalist to compete in a death-sport. Luckily our hero is also the master of Gymkata (and since no one has heard of Gymkata it wouldn't make sense for him to be an apprentice). So with his new Asian girlfriend in tow, Kurt Thomas heads for the death-sport...Oh yeah did I mention that his father died in this very same tournament years ago? BTW - Is it a tournament or a marathon? All I know is the winner lives and the losers...well lose. So Kurt competes against athletes from other countries who apparently have nothing better to do but throw their lives away. Ninjas hunt down the competitors and Kurt manages to cross the finish line with his father in hand (yes yes I skipped some crucial plot points...or else the writers did). What to look for in Gymkata: 1 - Bad acting 2 - Bad fight choreography 3 - The pre-chalked parallel bar that happens to come in handy when Kurt needs to flip to avoid some machine guns 4 - A big man named THOR (I kid you not) 5 - A slow motion chase through the village of crazies that seems to last 10-20 minutes 6 - Some cackling old hag who lives in the village of the crazies 7 - The pummel-horse which happens to appear right in the center of town square in the village of the crazies 8 - The classic line, "Keep your hardware in your pants." 9 - The "impartial" judges in the death-sport contest 10 - The stellar performance of Olympic gold-medalist Kurt Thomas, too bad the Olympics don't give out a gold medal for acting If I have to sum up this movie in one-word it would be YAKMALA! (See the movie and you'll get it) About the author: When I'm not reading Penthouse Forum and listening to my Wilson Phillips tapes, I'm watching BAD CINEMA! Unless of course the power goes out, then I eat Oreos in the kitchen and stare at the wall clock. You may read another review, submit your own, or return home. |
