 Every once in a while there comes a film that will hit some emotional triggers inside you, yet totally backfire into a strange mess of a movie. Stalag is just that, a strange mess of a film starring Ted Dibease, as a wily tycoon who's goal in life is to dominate the world. But alas, we must remember that this film takes place in the year 2000 (produced in 1988) and an aging telemarketer from Oregon, played by veteran actor Wilford Brimley dominates the world, as he was able to purchase it from all of his retirement money that he never used (yup, he's 165 in this film). So, Ted's character Cook decides the only way to do this is to overthrow the ruler, possilbly driving him to death. However, we must remember that the ruler of the world has quite the home security system, and any intruders would be forced off the property by the sound of a loud siren followed by a flashing red light. So, Cook discovers that Rick (Brimley) is a diabetic, and that he needs insulin to live. Knowing this, Cook sets up a phone scam (titled The Stalag 13 phone scam for some unknown reason) which would contact certain hospital via phone call, and after someone would pick up the phone, then the hospital would blow up. Now, how he manages to get all of the phone numbers is never explained, yet you wouldn't really expect it since half of the story deals with Cooks over sensitive hearing problem which is further distrubed by his mad cackling that he does after he hears of a hospital blowing up. Now, finding out about this, Rick (Brimley still) addresses the problem via satellite to the entire world warning the conspirator of a heavy punishment (30 days in prison, then again, days are longer in the year 2000 according to the narrator). While I could give away the ending, that wouldnt be neccesary seeing that a beginning and middle fail to really exist. But, I will leave you with some random quotes from this stinker: "Tonight, you will have million-dollar dreams!"- Cook "If the world is in my hands, then by god I need some leather clothes to contain it!"- Rick "Sleep is for people who don't have home-runs to his"- Slugger Magee (don't ask) Overall, great film, be sure to rent it About the author: "if the shoe fits, so be it" You may read another review, submit your own, or return home. |
