How doth I loved thee? But, now, in a world dark and cold, where has "The Humanity" gone? Once the reigning champion of crap on the internet, now, yet another "606 Forbidden." Will Alan and Rob ever deliver us from the void to which we have been returned since their departure?

Josh

Ah, Josh -- never fear! We've come back from retirement to reclaim the title. Rob's selling tickets for our championship bout where we take on such King of Crap on the Internet contenders as Crap.net and Lame Crap for Morons. Word on the street is that we take a dive in the 4th round. But the smart money is on us being disqualified for hitting below the belt.

To use a line from "The Who," "who the fuck are you?" Where do you clowns get off reviewing movies? Credentials, kiddies?

And some of the bad ones you then say aren't bad. What kinda bullshit is that?

And where is THE WORST movie ever made -- Plan 9 From Outer Space? Where's Robot Monster? Heaven's Gate? Ishtar?

TBVANSLYKE@aol.com

Hmm.. Plan 9 From Outer Space.... we'll write that down. Wait, what's it called again? Oh right! Plan 9 From Outer Space! With such an odd title, it's strange we've never heard of it before ...

Anyway -- have you no conscience, sir? -- to use a line from "The Who" on us! Rob cried for a week straight!

i love ur site, why don't u ever update it with new reviews

CarpeDSNL

Massive left-wing conspiracy, that's why.

ok you guys, how come you missed "Motel Hell", one of my favorite realllly baad movie?

Mikalis Phillips

I was going to make a Rory Calhoun joke here, but I think we've offended the dead over much lately (Mel Torme, Joe Dimaggio, etc) and, well Father, I haven't been a very good Catholic lately, so how many Hail Mary's do I have to say to make up for a Rory Calhoun blackmail joke?

Ijust one thing that has nagged me since reading your review of damnation alley...not that i like the film or anything, it was rather attrocious (and i stole er borrowed footage from it for one of my films), but they didnt head toward/end up in buffalo...they went to upstate new york, which is the albany-schenectady-troy area....EXTREMELY east of buffalo...like 5 and a half hours drive. like i said, just something bothering me...our area of the world gets very little notice (upstate new york)...when i mention im from new york when out of state they assume im from manhatten...not like albany is the CAPITAL OF NEW YORK or anything...dammit i dont mean to bitch.... again i could be wrong, i havent watched the film since 94...but im pretty sure they were heading for albany.

Rafael Hernandez

Okay, okay -- all Upstate New York references from now on. Hey, any Uticans here in the crowd tonight? Hey, who's going to the State Fair in Camillus? Can I hitch a ride to historic Clinton? Anyone up for some hot Central Leatherstocking Region action?

I live only 55 miles South of Chicago.  I was going to attend this great big deal, but at 62 years old I figure, people will laugh at me if I show up sober, so I started drinking some stuff I mixed up from a formula I got in an old Wolf Man movie.  You know the ones with Lon Chaney and our good friend from Plan Nine From Outer Space; the original "batman."  I will take your advice and not say anything funny or other wise about Bella as he also is dead now.  Or at least I hope he is as they dug a hole and dropped him in it.  By the time I reached Jackson Park, I was half loaded drinking this stuff and by the time I made the downtown area, I was all over the Outer Drive.  A Chicago Cop, who by the way looked alot like Bert Parks, who is also dead now, pulled me over.  He started singing "there he is, my next ticket person" and making with the dance moves around my car.   What could I do; I offered him a swig of my magic juice.  Now I hear him singing; "your from out of town and your stupid" or words to that effect.  I only had $700.00 on me and everyone knows you cannot get a Chicago cop to let you off for less than a grand, so I spent the night in the Hill Street station house.  I missed you and the bash. Sorry!  And the next time you come to Chicago..... "Be careful out there!"

Roger J. Thompson

Uh-oh, Rob, I think your cousin "RJ" is hitting the sauce again.
 
 

Live vicariously through our mail and peruse the past mailbags!
Mailbag from 09/98
Mailbag from 06/20/98
Mailbag from 05/10/98