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Our Mail Bag

Once again, the ol' mailbag is full, so here comes Rob to answer a few of the letters our handsome and comely readers have seen fit to send our way. As always, we're happy to get email, so write to us at alanandrob@ohthehumanity.com. And now onto the mail!
 

YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY GAY. MOVIES WITH PATRICK DEMPSEY KICK ASS. HE'S SO HOT. AND THIS IS COMING FROM A GOTHIC QUEEN. BUT I LOVE YOU GUYS ANYWAY.

Pam

Ahhh, there's no better way to start an update than with someone calling us "gay". Not that there's anything wrong with that. At any rate, we've discussed your words in earnest, Pam, and we've come to the conclusion that you're right, Patrick Dempsey is in fact the finest actor of all time. Who are we to argue with a Gothic Queen, anyway? Keep up the good work and hope that Orc rebellion goes well!

I'm sure you guys got plenty of email from guys telling you that you've misjudged a movie. Well I'm sorry here's another one. I thought the Dark Crystal was great! I have watched it recently and I still think its great. I grew up with this movie. Some of the characters did scared me a little when I was younger, but I still loved it.

I just wanted to tell you guys that. You guys are welcome to your opinion, but I still think its a great flick.

John

First, we'd like to thank John for being so polite re: The Dark Crystal. As for the film, which has generated more e-mail than any other movie we've reviewed, I would just like to let all of our readers know that Alan was the one that hated it and that he also was the one that caused both the cancellation of Babylon 5 and the sheer crappiness of The Phantom Menace. I'm sure he would apologize himself, but he's too busy alphabetizing his Ricky Martin posters.

That ought to get me that big raise and the 401K he promised...

The worst one I ever saw was Night of the Living Dead. Anyone in their right minds -- that is if they still have their BRAINS would say the same thing. BRAINS I WANT YOUR BRAINS. Yum Yum!!!!!

cinfen@aol.com

I knew there was a reason I always let Alan answer the Mail Bag letters...

As chronicled on your message board, I came home one bright 3am and to my dismay witnessed a movie called Going Ape with Danny Devito, Tony Danza (The finest actor since, well ever!) and some orange monkeys( I don't want to attempt to spell orangutan). I was sure I was actually watching Taxi, and undergoing the evils of Acid Flashbacks.

So why not review this gem, or alternately don't, I mean why must I make all the damn decisions around here, don't you think I would like to run free through the surf like a teenage wombat?

Cubey

Listen, Cubes, if we told you once, we told you a billion times, the reason you make all the decisions around here is A) The cops won't charge a minor, and B) Alan and I happen to have a thing for teenage wombats.

As to your monkey comments, we're always looking for new monkey movies, so thanks for the tip. Now if I can just get that damn image of Danny DeVito and a Rhesus monkey out of my head...

Hurro,

After a short perusing of your excellent site, I was moved to write to you about the apparent omission of some truly crap movies which hold a special place in my heart.

I was very pleased to see War of the Worlds in your review list, I'm a big fan of that movie...The Dark Crystal also freaks me out, the Skeksis are a tad frightening, but then it is the only movie to ever make me proud to be female - I could have wings!

NetGrrrl

First of all, sorry I edited the crap out of you letter, Ms. Grrrl, we were running out of space. Second, I just had to print it because it was about the damn cutest thing we've ever seen! We hope that all goes well in your search for wings. If you want to watch more films which will make you proud to be female, Alan recommends Thelma and Louise, Fried Green Tomatoes, The Burning Bed, and Attack of the Crusty Sea Captains from Hell. He's a sensitive man.

Not to single out minutae amid a greater article, but I was reading your bit on DVDs and bad movies and was struck by Purple Potamus Video, mainly because just before I moved away from Louisville, KY, a chain of video stores opened up called Red Giraffe. Is it common to assign one's video store a comically colored African beast? I thought not, but I might be changing my mind (here in New York there is also a video store called Pink Leopard, but they are a, umm, specialty store).

Keith Allison, Teleport City

You know, we here at OTH had never noticed this trend before, but it does seem to be growing. Why, just this past week, we drove past Khaki Tiger Audio/Video and the Teal West Nile Virus Video and Pizza Joint.

Oh, and what was the address of the Pink Leopard, again?
 

Well, you've wasted a perfectly good 10 minutes reading our mail. Continue the journey and peruse our past mailbags!