Against the recommendation of my doctor and Alan's sense of taste, I am dedicating this column to Godzilla.  No, I'm not some kind of Godzilla freak.  I can't tell you which movies are better than which.  I don't know the name of a single director of a Godzilla, Mothra, or Gamera movie.  I even have to look up the spelling of Gojira (Godzilla's Japanese name). And no, this column really doesn't have anything to do about how much I love or hate the new American movie, which at the time of this writing hasn't come out yet.  It's much more just a study in general ruminations about the monster and what he means to the Bad Movie world in general.  Is he truly the King of All Monsters?  Does he deserve the cultish following he has?  Are his movies any good in the first place?

I like Godzilla movies.  Actually, I like a lot of the Japanese monster-type films (especially Gamera).  But, with this said, I can't really say I understand its whole following.  Given the upcoming release of the new movie, I've seen a lot of internet (i.e., geek, both movie and otherwise) discussion about the whole Godzilla phenomenon, and it seems that everyone who cares has a really strong opinion about it one way or the other. Now, and this is part of the reason that I don't consider myself a true movie geek, I really don't care either way.  There's the one side which loves the Godzilla movies SO much that anything less than a guy in a rubber suit jumping around a model Tokyo would be sacrilege.  Then, there's the other side which has loved movies like Independence Day, The Fifth Element, and Starship Troopers, and feels that this new version will be a fun romp in special effects and action regardless of what it does to the Godzilla legend.

Now what I think about this situation, and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be quite alone on this position, is that this whole argument is making a few people think a little too much about a little too little.  I enjoy the Godzilla movies because of the goofy fun involved.  Because of the weird little Japanese bits that they throw in, like the disturbing little kids and the fun music (just listen to the "Jet Jaguar" song from Godzilla vs. Megalon for instance and try not to bust a gut).  I mean, it's just a lot of fun watching a guy dressed as a lizard fighting a giant moth (which is hanging from a fishing pole) over an HO-scale nuclear power plant.  But if you watch these movies, that's really all there is to them.  Sure, they provide a few laughs, but the craftsmanship of the films are really pretty shoddy, the plots rarely make sense (and I know it isn't all in the translation), and the actors are usually more wooden than the monsters.  Thinking the movie will be horrible because it goes against the Godzilla standard is kinda goofy in the first place considering the quality of said standard.
 
Thinking that the movie will be great because it will add American sci-fi/action sensibilities (from the half-German Emmerich and Devlin team) to the Japanese fun idea is not the most solid of thoughts either.  Many may tell me to save my judgment for when I see the movie, and I will certainly do so.  But I can definitely tell you that I'm not expecting much.  These movies are, for the most part, just not very good.  This isn't to say they are not enjoyable, hell, I even really liked The Rock, it's just to say that, like the Godzilla movies, they aren't worth all the air they generate amongst fandom.  Absolutely LOVING this or any other crappy movie is just not, in my mind, worth the effort.  Hating them with a passion and going to see the movie just to post venom-spewing reviews in chat rooms, forums, and newsgroups across the net is not so worthwhile either. 
 
Godzilla is certainly a pop culture icon.  He (though he's an egg-laying "he" in the new movie) is probably more recognizable than Jerry Springer throughout the world.  But this certainly isn't because his movies have been great or because his potential as a concept is brilliant.  It's because his movies are the height of camp, and a fun movie that none of us has to take too seriously is sometimes just what we need.  Maybe if we'd all remember that 20 years from now, if we're still doing anything like this page, no one will write me saying how I shouldn't make fun of the American Godzilla and all its inevitable sequels because they were great movies.  I'm still going to probably see them, but I'm going to know that whether I like them or not, it's all for fun, kids.  No bad movie is worth any more than that.
 
Rob Trevino.

Rob Trevino is an infrequent contributor to the IRS.  Please visit him in prison, he gets lonely.
 
 

Questions, criticisms or comments about the article?   Mail Rob at rob@ohthehumanity.com.